Why Pressuring Your Kids To Give You Grandkids Is Manipulative

It’s totally normal to daydream about spoiling adorable grandkids, but nagging your adult kids about when they’re going to make it happen is a recipe for awkwardness and maybe even a little resentment. The decision to have kids is HUGE – it involves their bodies, their bank accounts, their whole lives! Pressuring them is a surefire way to strain your relationship for no good reason.

1. Your adult kids are adults.

They get to make their own choices, even if you don’t always love those choices. Parenthood is a major, life-altering responsibility. Trust them to decide if and when they’re ready to take on that challenge.

2. Babies are expensive!

Raising kids costs a small fortune these days — nearly $500,000 in 2024, according to Business Insider. It’s totally okay for your adult children to want to have their finances in order before taking on such a huge expense. Harping on them about grandkids when they’re already stressed about bills is just piling it on.

3. Having kids isn’t just finances – it’s about emotional readiness too.

Maybe they’re nervous about being good parents, worried about the strain kids might put on their relationship, or just not sure if they even want to change their lives that much. All these feelings are valid! Pressuring them makes them feel like you don’t take their concerns seriously.

4. You’re making it about YOU, not them.

Sure, grandkids would be awesome, but are they more important to you than your own child’s happiness? Constantly nagging them shows that you might value the idea of grandchildren more than their actual life choices, and that can really hurt.

5. It hurts people struggling with infertility or loss.

Maybe your child desperately wants kids too, but is having trouble conceiving, or has experienced pregnancy loss. The last thing they need is a constant reminder of what they don’t yet have. Be sensitive, because this journey is rarely easy.

6. There’s more than one way to build a family.

Maybe your child is an amazing aunt or uncle, or pours their energy into a career where they help tons of people. Maybe they’re community leaders or activists. All of these are awesome ways to leave a mark on the world – grandkids aren’t the only path to a fulfilling life!

7. Some people are perfectly happy without kids.

Newsflash: Not everyone wants to be a parent, and that’s totally okay! They might want to travel the world, focus on their career, or just enjoy the freedom that comes without kids. Pressuring them means you don’t respect how they want to live their life.

8. You could be putting stress on their relationship.

If one partner wants kids and the other is hesitant, your meddling won’t help! This is a conversation they need to have on their own terms, without added pressure from the in-laws. You don’t want to make things harder for your child and their partner.

9. It could make the age gap awkward.

If you pester them enough and they wait until their late thirties or even forties to have kids, you might be well into your retirement years! Will you have the energy to keep up with toddlers? And will your grandchild truly know you if the age gap is that wide?

10. You might not like the parenting choices they make.

What if their parenting style isn’t what you’d do? Those grandkids might be raised way differently than you were, or than you raised your own kids. If you spent years pushing for them, it’ll be that much harder to bite your tongue about their choices!

11. It fuels sibling rivalry if one kid gives in first.

If you have multiple kids, pressuring one relentlessly might lead to them having children while their sibling(s) are still holding out. This creates an awkward family dynamic where you’re visibly thrilled about one set of grandkids and not so secretly wishing for more.

12. They might get a dog just to shut you up.

Honestly, wouldn’t you? Dogs are cute, cuddly, and much less life-altering than a human child. If they get desperate, you might find yourself “grandparenting” a puppy instead. It’s great, but…not quite the same, is it?

13. It sets the stage for them to pressure you later.

If you feel entitled to pressure them now about having kids, how will you react when they start pressuring you for endless babysitting, financial help, or for changing your plans to accommodate the grandkids? It’s best to establish healthy boundaries early on!

14. All that nagging makes family gatherings less fun.

Do you really want every holiday or birthday party to become a guilt trip about grandkids? Imagine the awkwardness, knowing that’s all your child is thinking about the whole visit. It’s a recipe for resentment, not joyful family bonding time.

15. It could backfire – what if they decide NEVER to have kids, just out of spite?

The more you push, the more they might dig in their heels, even if they were originally open to the idea of parenthood someday. Nobody wants to be bullied into making a massive life decision, especially not by their own parents.