15 Things You Should Never Do To Your Partner
Envato Elements When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to treat your partner with love, respect, and consideration.
But sometimes, even with the best intentions, we can fall into patterns of behaviour that are actually damaging to our partner and to the relationship as a whole. To avoid inadvertently hurting the person you love, you have to pay close attention to your behaviour and get real about how it’s impacting your partnership. Here are 15 things you should never do to your partner if you want to keep your bond strong and healthy.
1. Criticise or belittle them in public
Putting down your partner in public, even if you think you’re just playfully taking the piss, is a major no-no. It’s humiliating and disrespectful. You’re supposed to be a team, presenting a united front to the world. When you mock their ideas, appearance, or quirks in front of friends or family, you’re eroding their confidence and making them feel like you don’t have their back. Keep your gripes private and be their biggest cheerleader in public.
2. Dismiss or invalidate their feelings
Source: Unsplash When your partner comes to you with a concern or a strong emotion, the last thing you want to do is brush them off or tell them they’re being irrational. Saying things like “calm down,” “you’re overreacting,” or “it’s not a big deal” invalidates their feelings and shuts down communication. You don’t have to agree with their perspective, but it’s important to make them feel heard and understood. Acknowledge their feelings, listen with empathy, and work to find a solution together.
3. Lie to them or keep secrets
Source: Unsplash Honesty and transparency are the foundation of any healthy relationship. When you lie to your partner or keep important information from them, you shatter their trust and create an atmosphere of suspicion. Even small, white lies can snowball over time and make them wonder what else you might be hiding. If you’re tempted to deceive them, ask yourself why. Is there an underlying issue you’re afraid to address head-on? Being upfront about even uncomfortable truths shows respect for their right to make informed decisions about the relationship.
4. Try to change who they are
Source: Unsplash Entering a relationship with the intention of moulding your partner into your ideal mate is a recipe for frustration and resentment. It’s unfair to try to fundamentally change someone’s personality, interests, or goals to suit your own preferences. Of course, all healthy relationships involve compromise and growth, but it’s important to love and accept your partner for who they are at their core. Trying to force them to fit your mould will only breed bitterness and resistance.
5. Stonewall them during arguments
Source: Unsplash When tempers flare, it can be tempting to shut down, give your partner the silent treatment, or refuse to engage with the issue. But stonewalling only escalates conflicts and leaves your partner feeling dismissed and disrespected. It’s okay to ask for a brief time-out if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, but completely withdrawing and refusing to communicate is immature and counterproductive. Stay present, express your feelings calmly, and work towards a resolution together.
6. Snoop through their phone or personal belongings
Source: Unsplash Invading your partner’s privacy by going through their phone, emails, or personal effects without their consent is a serious breach of trust. It sends the message that you don’t believe they’re being honest with you and that you feel entitled to police their every move. If you have legitimate concerns about their fidelity or honesty, bring them up directly. Don’t resort to snooping, which will only make them feel violated and resentful. Trust is a two-way street.
7. Use intimacy as a weapon or bargaining chip
Source: Unsplash Withholding physical intimacy as a form of punishment, or using it as a means of manipulation, is a toxic dynamic that can seriously damage your intimate bond. It should be a mutually enjoyable expression of love and desire, not a tool for control or coercion. If you’re not in the mood, that’s one thing. But deliberately withholding affection to “teach them a lesson” or get your way is a form of emotional blackmail. Talk through your issues without bringing intimacy into it.
8. Bring up past mistakes or arguments in current fights
When you’re in the heat of an argument, it’s unfair and unproductive to dredge up past conflicts or grievances that have already been settled. It’s a low blow that only serves to deflect from the issue at hand and make your partner feel attacked. If you’ve already hashed out a disagreement, rehashing it every time you’re angry shows you haven’t really forgiven or moved on. Stick to the current conflict and work to resolve it without historical mud-slinging.
9. Take them for granted or neglect the relationship
Source: Unsplash In the early stages of love, it’s easy to prioritise quality time and romantic gestures. But as the relationship progresses, it’s all too common to start taking your partner’s presence and efforts for granted. Skipping date nights, neglecting physical affection, or failing to express appreciation can leave your partner feeling unvalued and unloved. Make a consistent effort to carve out quality time, express gratitude for what they do, and keep courting them, no matter how long you’ve been together.
10. Expect them to read your mind
Source: Unsplash No matter how well your partner knows you, they’re not a mind reader. Expecting them to intuitively know what you need, what you’re feeling, or what you want without you expressing it is setting them up for failure. It’s not fair to get upset with them for not meeting needs you haven’t clearly communicated. Be direct about your wants and expectations. Give them the information they need to show up for you in the way you’re hoping for.
11. Disregard or mock their interests and passions
Source: Unsplash Your partner’s hobbies and passions, even if they’re not your cup of tea, are important parts of who they are. Mocking their interests, calling them stupid or frivolous, or demanding they give them up for you is disrespectful and controlling. You don’t have to share all the same enthusiasms, but it’s important to let them have their own outlets and cheer them on. Show genuine curiosity about the things that light them up. Supporting their passions is a way of honouring their individuality.
12. Constantly compare them to your exes or other people
Source: Unsplash Whether you’re comparing your partner’s body to an ex’s, grumbling that your mate “doesn’t help out around the house like so-and-so’s husband,” or wishing they were more like your best friend’s beau, constant comparisons are toxic. You chose your partner for who they uniquely are, not for who you wish they would be. Making them feel like they’re always falling short of some invisible ideal breeds insecurity and resentment. Focus on appreciating the great qualities that make your partner distinctly them.
13. Try to isolate them from their friends and family
Your partner’s friends and family have been part of their life since long before you came along. Insisting they cut off these relationships or making it difficult for them to spend time with their loved ones is controlling and toxic. A healthy partnership includes space for each person to maintain their outside support systems. Trying to create a “you and me against the world” dynamic is a form of unhealthy isolation. Encourage them to invest in their other connections too.
14. Threaten the relationship or issue ultimatums to get your way
“Do what I want or I’m out the door.” “If you don’t agree with me, this relationship is over.” Holding the relationship hostage to strong-arm your partner into caving to your demands is a form of emotional blackmail. It creates a dynamic of fear and mistrust, where your partner is always walking on eggshells, afraid one wrong move will make you bail. If you have legitimate deal-breakers, express them calmly — don’t weaponise them to get your way in the heat of the moment.
15. Disrespect their boundaries and autonomy
Source: Unsplash A healthy relationship is made up of two individuals with their own distinct needs, preferences, and boundaries. Steamrolling over your partner’s “no,” insisting on doing things they’re not comfortable with, or dismissing their right to privacy and individual choice is deeply disrespectful. A loving partnership is not about control or subsuming each other’s identities. It’s about honouring each other’s autonomy while building a life together. Respect their boundaries, just as you’d want yours respected.
