15 Tell-Tale Signs You Lack Basic Social Skills
Unsplash Ever notice people subtly inching away during conversations? Or get those concerned “Are you okay?” looks way too often? Yeah, those might be signs your social skills need a little fine-tuning. Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! Here’s how you know you may need to brush up a bit.
1. You have a special talent for interrupting people mid-sentence.
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Oops, did you want to finish that thought? Sometimes your enthusiasm gets the better of you, and words just come tumbling out. But even if you think you have something super important to say, try this: Wait an actual beat before jumping into the conversation. Remember, listening is just as important as talking!
2. Awkward silences follow you like a lost puppy.
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Small talk isn’t your forte, and those dreaded pauses stretch on forever. Okay, don’t panic! Everyone gets tongue-tied sometimes. A few easy questions in your back pocket can save the day: “Cool event, do you come often?” or “How’s your week going?” are always good starters. Plus, sometimes just a friendly smile can break the ice.
3. You haven’t mastered the art of the casual exit.
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That trapped feeling when you really want to escape a conversation? Yeah, it shows. Instead of inventing an urgent dental appointment, try politely wrapping things up: “Great chatting, but I need to grab a drink/find my friend/use the restroom!” No need for elaborate excuses – a simple and kind farewell is all it takes.
4. Personal space is a foreign concept.
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People step away, you inch closer – it’s like a weird dance nobody wants to be part of. A good rule of thumb: if you can reach out and touch someone, you’re probably too close. Give folks a little breathing room. It’s a small gesture, but it makes a big difference in how comfortable people feel around you.
5. You have a habit of blurting out brutally honest observations.
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“Wow, that haircut’s… a choice” or “You have something green stuck in your teeth.” Honesty is great, but timing is everything. If it’s not helpful or kind, maybe keep that thought to yourself. Try offering a subtle hint or waiting until you can speak privately with the person.
6. Eye contact makes you deeply uncomfortable.
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You stare intently at people’s foreheads, the floor, anything but their eyes. It’s okay, eye contact is weird! Try short glances, then look away naturally. Or, focus on a spot between their eyebrows – they won’t know the difference. Even practising in the mirror for a few minutes a day can help build your confidence with eye contact.
7. Your default facial expression is either blank or a panicked smile.
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People are asking, “Are you okay?” when everything is actually fine. Turns out, facial expressions are important! Try subtly mirroring the expressions of the person you’re talking to – a small smile, a raised brow – it shows you’re engaged. Don’t worry about being overly expressive, just a little shift can go a long way.
8. Sarcasm is your love language.
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Unfortunately, not everyone gets your dry wit, and sometimes playful teasing just comes across as mean. If folks seem confused or offended, dial back the sarcasm. Save your most hilarious zingers for friends who appreciate them. You can still be funny and witty, just try to be mindful of your audience.
9. You don’t really understand the concept of a “filter.”
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Overly personal questions, TMI stories…they just spill right out of you. Before you speak, ask yourself: Does this person need to know this? Would I want to hear this from a relative stranger? A little self-editing goes a long way in building trust and rapport with people.
10. You’ve been told you have a “loud” personality.
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Your enthusiasm is infectious, but so is your volume. Pay attention to how loudly others speak, and try to match that level. Bonus: Practising “indoor voice” saves energy AND prevents sore throats! Plus, modulating your volume shows consideration for those around you.
11. Small talk makes you break out in hives.
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The weather? Yawn. Work? Meh. You get bored easily, making those polite conversations excruciating. It’s okay! Focus on asking the other person questions – people LOVE talking about themselves, and it takes the pressure off you. Remember, even the most mundane small talk can be a gateway to a more interesting conversation.
12. Every goodbye turns into a 20-minute ordeal.
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You just can’t seem to actually…leave. There’s always one more story, one more question. A quick “Gotta run, see you soon!” is totally fine. You don’t owe anyone a lengthy exit speech. Respecting people’s time is a key part of good social etiquette.
13. People mistake your genuine interest for flirting.
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It’s great you’re engaged and friendly, but sometimes your signals get crossed. Try a slightly more reserved approach with new people. You can always ramp up the warmth once you get to know them better. Being aware of your body language and how close you stand can be helpful too.
14. Your jokes often fall flat… like, really flat.
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The crickets chirp, the awkward smiles freeze in place – yep, that joke bombed. Don’t despair! Humour is subjective. Learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t be afraid to switch topics if something isn’t landing. The most important thing is to be able to read the room and adjust accordingly.
15. You accidentally offend people… a lot.
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Ouch, you said that thing again, didn’t you? Sometimes even well-meaning comments land the wrong way. Before you speak, think: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If the answer to any of those is ‘no,’ best to keep it to yourself. Developing empathy and sensitivity towards others is one of the biggest favours you can do yourself in social situations.
