If You Tolerate Any of These 16 Things, You Lack Self-Respect
Envato Elements Self-respect is the foundation of a strong sense of self-worth and personal boundaries.
However, too many people allow others to gnaw away at their self-respect bit by bit through disrespectful behaviour, until their sense of self-worth is left in tatters. If you find yourself putting up with any of the following, it’s a glaring red flag that your self-respect is running on empty. It’s time to put your foot down, stand up for yourself, and refuse to let anyone treat you as less than you deserve.
1. Putting up with chronic lateness
When someone is consistently late meeting you, they’re sending a clear message that their time matters more than yours. You’re left waiting around, changing your schedule, and wasting precious minutes or hours of your day. By tolerating this, you’re reinforcing that your time has little value. Start imposing consequences for lateness, like leaving if they’re more than 10 minutes late. Show that you respect yourself and expect everyone else to respect your time too.
2. Accepting backhanded compliments
Backhanded compliments are thinly veiled insults designed to undermine you while maintaining a veneer of niceness. Comments like “You’re smarter than you look” or “That outfit is so flattering on your figure” are not really compliments at all. By letting them slide, you’re sending the message that it’s okay for people to take subtle digs at you and try to kill your confidence. Call it out directly and make it clear you won’t stand for negging disguised as praise.
3. Tolerating guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is a manipulative tactic people use to pressure you into doing what they want. They play on your emotions, making you feel bad for not acquiescing to their demands. Statements like “I guess you just don’t care about me” or “After everything I’ve done for you…” are designed to tug on your heartstrings. But giving in just teaches them that this ploy works on you. Refuse to buckle under the weight of unwarranted guilt.
4. Allowing other people’s priorities to supersede yours
When you find yourself constantly reshuffling your to-do list to accommodate everyone else’s needs, your own priorities fall by the wayside. You push back deadlines, miss opportunities, and overextend yourself just to please everyone else. This breeds resentment and stress as you fall behind on your own goals and obligations. Learn to say no and put your own oxygen mask on first. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
5. Letting other people speak over you
There’s nothing more demoralising than trying to get a word in edgewise while people talk over you and drown out your voice. You start to feel invisible and unimportant, as if your thoughts don’t matter. Sometimes it’s unintentional, but often it’s a power play to dominate the conversation. Interrupt the interrupters with a firm “I wasn’t finished speaking” and insist on being heard. Your voice deserves to be valued.
6. Allowing people to volunteer you
Has someone ever volunteered you for a task or commitment without asking first? They just assume you’ll go along with it because you’re so nice and accommodating. But this presumptuousness demonstrates a lack of respect for your autonomy. They’re treating you like a pushover who can’t say no. Express that you’re not okay with people making decisions for you and that you’ll choose how to spend your time and energy.
7. Tolerating snarky jabs disguised as jokes
It’s all too common for people to take hurtful shots at you and then claim they were “just kidding” if you get upset. But these “jokes” are really covert ways to criticise, embarrass or belittle you. And by laughing them off for the sake of keeping the peace, you give people free rein to subtly bully you. Make it clear that this crosses a line, and you won’t be anyone’s punchline.
8. Letting people dictate your opinions
Everyone has a right to their own views and beliefs. But some people will try to pressure and badger you into agreeing with them, even resorting to personal attacks if you don’t fall in line. They make you doubt yourself until you’re afraid to voice any dissent. Stand firm in your convictions and don’t let them browbeat you into submission. You’re entitled to think for yourself.
9. Accepting non-apologies
You know those so-called apologies that don’t actually accept any responsibility or express real remorse? The ones that go “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry if you were offended”, putting the blame back on you for having a perfectly justifiable reaction? These faux-pologies are a way to wriggle out of accountability. Don’t let them off the hook — insist on a proper apology that owns up to their transgression.
10. Allowing people to “borrow” indefinitely
Source: Unsplash Lending an item to a friend comes with an unspoken social contract that they’ll give it back in a reasonable timeframe and in good condition. But sometimes they’ll keep pushing back the return date with flimsy excuses until you realise you may never see your possession again. By not asserting yourself, you demonstrate that you don’t value your own property. Be clear about exactly when you need it back by, and don’t be shy about reminding them.
11. Tolerating unreliability
Source: Unsplash We all know those flaky people who constantly break commitments at the last minute. They make plans with you but then bail because “something came up”, leaving you high and dry. And somehow it’s never a good enough reason, just lame excuses. This disregard for your time and company whittles away at your self-worth. After a certain point, stop extending invites and invest in people who honour their word.
12. Being pressured to justify your boundaries
Source: Unsplash Setting personal boundaries is crucial for protecting your emotional and mental wellbeing. You should never have to over-explain or rationalise these reasonable limits. But some people will keep hammering away, demanding that you justify why you’re not okay with something. They make you feel like your boundaries are up for debate. Hold your ground and keep asserting your right to say no. No is a complete sentence.
13. Letting people invalidate your feelings
Source: Unsplash Having your feelings invalidated is incredibly demoralising. It’s when people dismiss, minimise or criticise your emotions, essentially telling you that you don’t have a right to feel how you feel. They say things like “You’re being too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting”, making you doubt your own emotional barometer. Your feelings are always valid, even if other people don’t like them. Remind anyone who disregards them that you’re entitled to your emotions.
14. Letting people stonewall you
Source: Unsplash Stonewalling is when someone completely shuts down and refuses to communicate with you. They give you the silent treatment, shutting you out and leaving you feeling powerless. It’s a manipulation tactic to punish you and make you chase after them and beg for their attention. But playing into it only gives them what they want. Give them one chance to hash things out, then disengage until they’re ready to talk productively.
15. Allowing other people to criticise your appearance
Source: Unsplash Unless you’re specifically inviting constructive feedback about your appearance, no one has a right to weigh in with unsolicited opinions. Comments about your weight, age, clothing choices or grooming are over the line. This nitpicking makes you feel self-conscious and really dents your confidence. Shut it down swiftly with a firm, “I don’t remember asking for your thoughts on how I look”. Your body, your business.
16. Allowing loved ones’ mistreatment
Source: Unsplash Sometimes disrespect comes from the people closest to you and that makes it even harder to stand up to. You may make allowances because they’re family or tell yourself it’s “just how they are”. But you teach people how to treat you and if you keep excusing bad behaviour, you’re basically saying that you don’t value yourself enough to demand better. Having self-respect means refusing to tolerate mistreatment from anyone, no matter how much you love them.
Stand up for yourself and refuse to settle for being treated as anything less than you’re worth.
Source: Unsplash Self-respect is the armour that protects your spirit from those who would try to chip away at it. Wear it with pride and never take it off for anyone. You deserve to be cherished, valued and respected — but it starts with respecting yourself enough to accept nothing less.
