How A Narcissist Acts When They Can’t Fool You Anymore
Envato Elements When a narcissist realises their manipulations are no longer working on you, it’s a pivotal moment.
The facade cracks, and their true colours start to show. Once they sense that you’re onto them, that you’ve seen through their carefully crafted persona, they can lash out in several disturbing ways. If you’ve been entangled with a narcissist and are starting to wise up to their games, brace yourself — things are likely to get ugly. Here are 15 ways narcissists typically react when they can’t fool you anymore.
1. They ramp up the gaslighting.
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist feels you pulling away, they often double down on their gaslighting efforts. They’ll tell you more insistently that you’re imagining things, that you’re the problem, that your perceptions can’t be trusted. They’ll try harder to make you doubt your own sanity and intuition. Stay firmly grounded in what you know to be true. Don’t let them rewrite your reality — you’re not crazy, they’re just desperate.
2. They play the victim.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are masters at flipping the script. When confronted with their bad behaviour, they’ll often pivot to playing the victim. Suddenly, they’re the one who’s been wronged, misunderstood, or unfairly attacked. They might bring up past grievances or twist your words to make it seem like you’re victimising them. Don’t fall for the wounded innocent act — it’s just a ploy to regain control and make you second-guess your stance.
3. They try to butter you up.
Source: Unsplash If gaslighting and playing the victim don’t work, a narcissist may abruptly switch gears into love-bombing. They’ll shower you with affection, compliments, gifts and grand gestures. It’s a calculated effort to lure you back under their spell. They hope that by being suddenly wonderful, you’ll forget why you were pulling away. Remember, this honey-coated version of them isn’t the reality. It’s a manipulative tactic, not a genuine change of heart.
4. They trot out crocodile tears.
Narcissists can turn on the waterworks at the drop of a hat if they think it will serve their agenda. When they sense you distancing yourself, get ready for a deluge of exaggerated woe-is-me tears. They’ll sob about how much they need you, how lost they’ll be without you. It’s a performance designed to guilt you into staying. Steel yourself against misplaced sympathy — those tears are for them, not for you.
5. They get openly hostile and aggressive.
Source: Unsplash If softer manipulations don’t pull you back in, a narcissist’s true aggression tends to come out. They may lash out with vicious insults, name-calling, and threats. It’s a bully tactic meant to beat you into submission. In extreme cases, this aggression can even get physical. At the first sign of unhinged hostility, get to safety. Don’t attempt to reason with them when they’re in attack mode — narcissistic rage is notoriously explosive and irrational.
6. They spread smear campaigns.
Source: Unsplash Hell hath no fury like a narcissist who feels exposed. When they realise you’re no longer under their thrall, they often launch smear campaigns to discredit you. They’ll spin false narratives painting you as unstable, dishonest, or abusive. They may go to great lengths to turn mutual friends, family, or colleagues against you. It’s a pre-emptive strike meant to isolate you and ruin your credibility. Focus on safeguarding your key relationships and don’t stoop to their mudslinging level.
7. They dangle carrots to hoover you back in.
Source: Unsplash When a narcissist feels you slipping away, they may try to tempt you with a thing they know you want. Suddenly, they’re willing to go to couples counselling, or they dangle a long-delayed proposal, or they claim they’re ready to commit after years of stringing you along. Be cautious of abrupt, grand offerings that seem too good to be true — they usually are. It’s likely a temporary shiny carrot meant to lure you back, not a lasting change.
8. They become stalkers.
Source: Unsplash Some jilted narcissists go into full stalker mode. They may incessantly call/text you, show up unannounced at your home or work, or “coincidentally” turn up wherever you are. They’ll often make flimsy excuses for why they need to contact you. Online, they may obsessively track your social media and find ways to insert themselves into your digital life. This invasion of your space and privacy is more about control than affection. Take steps to block their access and protect your safety.
9. They use the children as pawns.
Source: Unsplash If you share children with a narcissist, be prepared for them to be used as bargaining chips. The narcissist may suddenly want more time with the kids, or start bad-mouthing you to them, or make false claims about your fitness as a parent. They know your love for your children is a vulnerability they can exploit. Keep interactions strictly about co-parenting business and document everything. Don’t let them draw you into a tug-of-war that hurts the kids.
10. They try to use money as leverage.
Source: Unsplash Money is another common weapon in a narcissist’s arsenal. They may abruptly cut you off financially as punishment, or dangle money to lure you back. In divorce proceedings, they’ll often try to lowball you in settlements or drag things out in court. If you’re financially entangled, move swiftly to untangle your finances and establish your own stability. Don’t let them use financial hardship as a leash to reel you back in.
11. They go on the charm offensive with your friends and family.
When you wise up to a narcissist’s true nature, they’ll often go into overdrive trying to charm your friends, family, or other people close to you. It’s a pre-emptive move to make sure people will take their side over yours. They may play the misunderstood victim or paint you as the troubled villain. If your loved ones start reporting the narcissist’s sudden “concern” for you, set the record straight. Expose the agenda behind their charm blitz.
12. They try to make you jealous.
A narcissist who senses you pulling away may try to reel you back in by stoking your jealousy. They’ll suddenly start flaunting a new paramour, or bragging about how in-demand they are. On social media, they may post thirst traps or flaunt a bevy of admirers leaving comments. It’s a transparent ploy to make you feel replaceable and insignificant. Recognise it for the desperate grasp for control it is, and keep focusing on your own path forward.
13. They start competing with you.
Source: Unsplash Some narcissists deal with losing their grip on you by going into competitive overdrive. Everything becomes a contest that they have to win — who’s fitter, who’s more successful, who’s got a better squad behind them. They need to prove they’re doing better than you are to preserve their fragile ego. Even positive events in your life will be recast as competitions for them to one-up. Disengage from their petty scoreboards and keep celebrating your wins.
14. They “accidentally” show glimpses of their nice side.
Source: Unsplash Conniving narcissists will sometimes try to hoover you back by “accidentally” reminding you of their nice side. Suddenly, they’re back to that charming, thoughtful version of themselves you fell for initially. They may engineer “chance” meetings where they can show off their sweet side, or reminisce about the early golden days of your relationship. Don’t get sucked back in by these calculated glimpses of their alter ego — you know they never last.
15. They claim they’ve changed for good this time.
Source: Unsplash When all else fails, a narcissist who’s desperate to keep you in their clutches may swear they’ve changed for good. They’ll insist they’ve seen the light, that they’re in therapy, that they’ve renounced their old ways. They may even admit to being a narcissist and claim they want to heal. Be extremely sceptical of these 11th hour transformations. Real change takes consistent work, not lofty promises made in a moment of desperation to control you. Judge their actions, not their words.
