“Boys Don’t Cry” And Other Lies That Hurt Men
Unsplash From a young age, boys are often force-fed a harmful set of rules about what it means to be a man. They’re told to bottle up their feelings, hide vulnerability, and always project an image of strength. There are often good intentions behind these messages, but the reality is that they create unrealistic expectations, destroy healthy emotional expression, and really hurt men’s mental well-being. Here are some of the lies we need to stop telling our boys if we want them to become happier, healthier men.
1. Real men don’t cry.
Source: Unsplash Teaching boys to suppress or outright deny natural emotions like sadness, fear, or hurt is damaging, to say the least, Psychology Today points out. Crying is a healthy expression of emotion, not a sign of weakness. Forcing boys to bottle up their feelings leads to emotional detachment, difficulty in intimate relationships, and an increased risk of mental health issues.
2. Men should always be strong and in control.
Source: Unsplash The pressure to always appear unshakeable creates unrealistic standards. It’s okay for men to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to admit they don’t have all the answers. Strength doesn’t mean suppressing emotions; it’s about knowing when to be vulnerable and seek support, building greater resilience.
3. Talking about feelings is a sign of weakness.
Source: Unsplash Expressing emotions is often seen as feminine, leading some men to avoid sharing their inner world. However, talking about feelings is a sign of self-awareness and courage. Suppressing emotions leads to them coming out sideways – through anger, anxiety, or harmful behaviours like substance abuse.
4. Real men don’t need therapy.
Source: Unsplash Going to therapy or seeking any kind of support for mental health problems is a sign of strength, not weakness. Therapy offers guidance in navigating emotional issues, learning healthy coping mechanisms, and dealing with past trauma. Dismissing therapy reinforces the harmful belief that men should always handle problems on their own.
5. Men should be the breadwinners.
Source: Unsplash Outdated gender roles pressure men to always be the primary financial provider. This ignores the realities of modern families where dual incomes are often necessary. It can lead to stress, resentment, and an imbalance in relationships when financial responsibilities aren’t shared equitably.
6. Men should only be friends with other men.
Source: Unsplash The idea that male/female friendships are impossible or suspect robs men of meaningful connections. Platonic friendships with women offer diverse perspectives, empathy, and emotional support. Thinking all male/female interactions must be romantic limits bonds and fosters unhealthy attitudes.
7. Men who like “unmanly” things are less of a man.
Source: Unsplash Rigidity around what hobbies, interests, or careers are deemed “manly” is limiting. Whether it’s enjoying baking, taking dance classes, or working as a nurse – these interests don’t dictate a man’s worth. Embracing diverse passions enriches men’s lives and allows them to be more authentically themselves.
8. Men have to be good at sports or physical activities.
Source: Unsplash Not all men are naturally athletic or interested in sports, and that’s okay! Shaming men for not fitting this stereotype discourages them from pursuing other interests and developing their unique strengths. Celebrate physical activity for health, but don’t force rigid “masculine” sports on all men.
9. Men should never show fear.
Source: Unsplash Fear is a natural human emotion, and pretending it doesn’t exist is unhelpful. Men are put under immense pressure to always appear fearless. This can lead to them taking unnecessary risks, avoiding important conversations, and struggling with anxiety without having a healthy outlet.
10. Anger is the only emotion men are allowed to express.
Source: Unsplash While all emotions are natural, the way we express them matters. Society often condones anger in men, making it the default response to a range of underlying emotions–sadness, hurt, disappointment. This limits their emotional vocabulary and leads to destructive outbursts rather than healthy communication.
11. Men should always want sex and be ready to go.
Source: Unsplash This stereotype creates unrealistic pressure and shame for men who may not always be in the mood. Factors like stress, fatigue, or health issues can affect sex drive, but men often feel unable to address this openly for fear of seeming less masculine. It’s important to normalise fluctuations in libido and prioritise open communication around sexuality.
12. A man’s worth is measured by his sexual conquests.
Bragging about sexual partners or tying self-worth to the number of conquests perpetuates a harmful view of sex as a competition. It dehumanises women and sets unrealistic expectations that prevent men from forming healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships.
13. Men should always initiate romantic relationships.
Source: Unsplash This outdated notion puts pressure on men and sends the message that women should be passive recipients of affection. In reality, anyone can initiate a connection, express their interest, or ask someone on a date, regardless of gender.
14. Men can’t be victims of abuse or sexual assault.
Source: Unsplash Harmful stereotypes make it difficult for male victims to come forward. The reality is men can be, and are, victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse. Dismissing these experiences, or the trauma they cause, prevents male survivors from seeking the support and help they need.
15. Men don’t need to prioritise self-care.
Source: Unsplash Society tells men to focus on achievement, power, and status, while neglecting self-care. This leads to burnout, stress-related illnesses, and neglect of emotional well-being. Prioritising sleep, exercise, healthy eating, stress management, and having fulfilling hobbies are crucial for men’s overall well-being.
16. “Man up!” is a helpful way to encourage men.
Source: Unsplash When men are struggling, this dismissive phrase invalidates their feelings and perpetuates the harmful idea that they should always silently cope. Instead, offer genuine support, encourage them to express themselves, and validate that seeking help is a sign of strength, not a failure.
17. All men adhere to these toxic stereotypes.
Source: Unsplash It’s crucial to recognise that many men are actively rejecting these harmful myths and working towards creating a healthier definition of masculinity. Celebrate men who embrace vulnerability, prioritise emotional well-being, and model healthy behaviour for younger generations.
