16 Things You’ll Never Hear A Narcissist Say
Envato Elements Narcissists have a very specific way of communicating that’s rooted in their grandiose self-image, lack of empathy, and constant need for admiration.
The good thing is that once you know what to listen for, you’ll start to notice glaring omissions in their vocabulary that reveal their true colours. If you want to spot a narcissist, pay attention not just to what they say, but what they don’t say. Here are 16 phrases you’ll rarely, if ever, hear from the lips of a narcissist — dead giveaways of their toxic nature.
1. “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
Source: Unsplash A genuine apology requires admitting fault, which goes against every fibre of a narcissist’s being. They believe they’re perfect and infallible, so copping to a mistake feels like a massive blow to their fragile ego. At most, you’ll get a non-apology like “I’m sorry you feel that way” which subtly shifts the blame to your reaction rather than their actions. But a heartfelt “I screwed up, please forgive me”? Not happening. A narcissist’s pride will always eclipse their remorse.
2. “Thank you for your feedback, I’ll reflect on that.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are highly allergic to criticism, constructive or otherwise. They take any suggestion for improvement, no matter how gently phrased, as a personal attack and affront. Rather than considering the merit of the feedback, they’ll immediately become defensive and launch a counter-attack on the person giving the “critique.” Even if they secretly know you have a point, their knee-jerk response will be to discredit the messenger. Growth and introspection are not in their wheelhouse.
3. “I don’t actually know much about that topic.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists fancy themselves experts on everything, regardless of their actual knowledge base. Admitting gaps in their skill set or understanding would puncture the illusion of superiority they project. Instead, they’ll confidently spout opinions on subjects they have only surface-level familiarity with, and then get irrationally angry if anyone challenges them. The notion of deferring to someone else’s expertise is utterly foreign to them. In their mind, they’re the ultimate authority on all matters.
4. “I’m having a tough time, can I lean on you for support?”
Source: Unsplash Vulnerability is kryptonite to narcissists. They see it as weakness and are loath to let their guard down, even around ostensibly trusted confidantes. Rather than sharing their struggles or leaning on others for emotional support, they’ll power through privately while maintaining a facade that everything’s peachy. Letting you see them in a moment of genuine need would disrupt the power dynamic they so feverishly cling to. Bidirectional bonding and mutual care-taking are not their forte.
5. “You’re right, I’m being a hypocrite.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have no problem holding others to sky-high standards they themselves routinely violate. The idea that the rules apply equally to them is laughable in their eyes. They’ll chastise you for the very things they do habitually, like interrupting or showing up late, without a shred of self-awareness. If you point out their double standards, prepare to be met with indignant denial and a barrage of excuses for why they’re exempt from the principles they impose on everyone else.
6. “Wow, your accomplishment is so impressive! Tell me more!”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists view everyone else’s successes as a threat to their own shine. They’ll rarely express authentic excitement or praise for someone else’s achievements, instead finding subtle ways to diminish or undercut them. Maybe they’ll give a backhanded compliment, bring up the person’s past failures, or change the subject back to their own conquests. But showing genuine, unmitigated delight in another’s triumphs? That’s not their style. In a narcissist’s world, there’s only room for one star, and it’s always them.
7. “I’m content with what I have.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are insatiable in their pursuit of more — more wealth, more status, more adulation. They measure their worth exclusively in superlatives, so being average or having “enough” is unacceptable to them. Their materialistic values and grandiose sense of entitlement keep them perennially on the prowl for bigger, better, flashier things and experiences. Gratitude and contentment are foreign concepts to the narcissistic mind. No matter how much they have, it will never satisfy their rapacious ego.
8. “No need to thank me, I enjoy giving without strings attached.”
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist does you a favour or gives you a gift, believe that they’re keeping a mental tab and will collect on that debt down the line. Altruism is not part of their repertoire — every “generous” deed has a self-serving agenda behind it. They may use their benevolence to manipulate you, call in favours at inopportune times, or publicly trumpet what a magnanimous person they are. But giving purely for the joy of it? That’s not a line item in their playbook.
9. “I was intimidated by how attractive and charming they were.”
Source: Unsplash A narcissist will never openly admit to feeling inferior or overshadowed in someone else’s presence. As far as they’re concerned, they’re the most scintillating, mesmerising person in any room, no contest. If they cross paths with someone who outshines them in charm, looks, or charisma, they’re more likely to scoff and claim the other person was trying too hard. Acknowledging that another human could eclipse their star power, even momentarily, is simply not in their psychological structure.
10. “Your feelings are totally valid, and I hear you.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have an uncanny knack for monopolising the emotional airspace in a relationship. Your feelings and needs will always play second fiddle to their overblown dramas and reactions. If you try to express your perspective or pain, they’ll find a way to flip it back to themselves, minimize your experience, or make you feel like you’re overreacting. The notion of holding space for your emotions and sitting with your distress is utterly alien to them. Narcs only do empathy when it serves their agenda.
11. “I actually don’t remember it that way, but you could be right.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have such an inflated sense of their rightness that they’ll argue until they’re blue in the face rather than cop to misremembering something. They have a selective, self-serving recall that edits out any unflattering details or mistakes on their part. If their version of events clashes with yours, they’ll spend more energy gaslighting you into doubting your reality than entertaining the possibility that their memory is flawed. Conceding that someone else’s viewpoint might be legit is anathema to them.
12. “I messed up, and it had nothing to do with anyone else’s actions.”
Source: Unsplash Accountability is a foreign language to narcissists. Taking responsibility for their screw-ups without qualification or finger-pointing is simply not in their wheelhouse. In their mental gymnastics, there’s always some external factor or person that forced their hand or triggered them into poor behaviour. Blaming others is their psychological airbag, shielding their ego from the impact of their missteps. They’ll twist themselves into knots rationalizing their choices before copping to being the catalyst.
13. “This isn’t all about me, I’m sorry for making it that way.”
Source: Unsplash In the narcissist’s universe, they’re both the sun and the orbit. Every conversation and conflict somehow ends up revolving around their feelings, their needs, their accomplishments. They have an uncanny way of hijacking the emotional bandwidth and flipping all discussions back toward themselves. Acknowledging that they’re derailing things by making it “The Narc Show” would require a level of self-reflection they’re not equipped for. As far as they’re concerned, everything IS all about them, all the time.
14. “I’ve been unfair to you. How can I balance the scales?”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists see reciprocity and fairness as slippery slopes. If they admit to tilting the scales in their favour, they might have to cede some of the power and control they so jealously guard. Apologizing for totally overwhelming you or making unilateral decisions opens the door to more equitable arrangements, which is a non-starter for them. They’d rather gaslight you into believing their lopsided terms are reasonable than recalibrate the dynamics to be genuinely mutual and balanced.
15. “I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists believe that anyone who doesn’t adore them is either jealous, crazy, or too dim to recognize their magnificence. The notion that reasonable people might form a negative opinion of them based on their own behaviour is unfathomable. They take every criticism extremely personally, and write off detractors as haters or losers, rather than looking inward. Accepting that their personality simply won’t jibe with everyone would deflate the “universally loved” myth they spin about themselves.
16. “You’ve outgrown me, and I’m happy for your evolution.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists need to keep their targets in a one-down position, so your personal growth poses an existential threat. If you develop more confidence, expand your social circle, or build a life outside the narcissist’s domain, they’ll feel the foundations of their control start to tremble. Rather than celebrating your progress, they’ll find ways to undermine it and keep you tethered to them. A true partner takes joy in being outpaced by your potential, but narcissists only support your success if it reflects well on them.
