Sneaky Ways Narcissists Try to Control You
Yuri Arcurs peopleimages.com If there’s one thing a narcissist loves, it’s being in control.
There’s no limit to what they’ll do to manipulate their victims, and the worst part is that, oftentimes, you won’t even realise it’s happening until it’s too late. Their sneaky ways are hard to cotton on to quickly, but if you’re aware of them, you might stand a chance of protecting yourself. Keep your eyes peeled for these underhanded tactics, and if you spot them, get out while you can.
1. They use love bombing to hook you in.
Source: Unsplash At the beginning of a relationship, a narcissist showers you with affection, attention, and gifts. This “love bombing” creates a whirlwind romance that feels intoxicating. However, it’s a manipulative tactic designed to make you dependent on their approval and attention. Once they have you hooked, the love bombing fades, and the control tactics begin.
2. They isolate you from your support network.
Source: Unsplash To make you more reliant on them, narcissists often try to isolate you from your friends and family. They talk badly about your loved ones, plant seeds of doubt about their intentions, or create situations that make it difficult for you to spend time with them. By cutting you off from your support system, they gain more control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
3. They gaslight you into doubting your own reality.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which the narcissist makes you question your own sanity, and it’s really messed up. They tend to deny things they said or did, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive or dramatic. Over time, gaslighting can erode your self-confidence and make you more susceptible to their control.
4. They use guilt trips and emotional blackmail.
Narcissists are experts at guilt trips and emotional blackmail because they use them so often. They make you feel responsible for their happiness, manipulate you with threats of a breakup, or play the victim to gain your sympathy. These tactics are designed to make you feel obligated to comply with their demands and put their own needs before your own. Don’t fall for it!
5. They criticise and belittle you to destroy your self-esteem.
In order to control you, narcissists often resort to criticism and belittlement. They constantly nitpick your appearance, your choices, or your accomplishments — even if their suck in comparison. This constant barrage of negativity can erode your self-esteem and make you more dependent on their approval.
6. They create drama and chaos to keep you off balance.
Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos, so they start arguments, create drama, or stir up trouble just to keep you on your toes. This constant state of upheaval makes it difficult for you to think clearly and assert your own needs, making you more susceptible to their manipulation.
7. They withhold affection and attention as a form of punishment.
Source: Unsplash As gross as this practise is, narcissists often use affection and attention as rewards and punishments. When you do what they want, they shower you with love and attention. However, when you challenge them or assert your independence, they immediately withdraw their affection and leave you feeling rejected and unloved. This creates a cycle of dependency and reinforces their control over you.
8. They exploit your weaknesses and insecurities.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists are really good at spotting your vulnerabilities and exploiting them to their advantage. They use your fears, doubts, or past traumas against you, making you feel weak and powerless. By preying on your insecurities, they gain leverage and control over your emotions and decisions.
9. They use triangulation to create jealousy and insecurity.
Source: Unsplash Triangulation involves bringing a third person into the relationship to create feelings of jealousy and insecurity. This could be flirting with someone else, talking about an ex, or even making you compete for their attention. Triangulation is a manipulative tactic designed to make you feel less secure and more desperate for their approval.
10. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to project their own negative traits onto other people. They accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or insecure, even though these qualities are more reflective of their own behaviour. This projection is a defence mechanism that allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their own shortcomings.
11. They give backhanded compliments and subtle insults.
Source: Unsplash Disguising insults as compliments is a narcissistic specialty. They say things like, “You look great for your age,” or “You’re so smart for someone with your background.” These backhanded compliments are designed to undermine your confidence and make you question your own worth.
12. They sabotage your goals and achievements.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often feel threatened by your success, and when that happens, they’ll subtly (or not so subtly!) sabotage your efforts. They belittle your accomplishments, discourage you from pursuing your goals, or create obstacles to your success. This behaviour stems from their own insecurity and their need to feel superior to you.
13. They play the victim to gain your sympathy and support.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim. They exaggerate their problems, blame other people for their misfortunes, or seek your pity and compassion. By making you feel sorry for them, they manipulate you into providing them with attention, support, and validation.
14. They rewrite history to suit their own narrative.
Because they have a distorted view of reality, narcissists often rewrite history to fit their own narrative. They deny things they said or did, twist your words, or selectively remember events in a way that makes them look good and you look bad. This can be extremely confusing and frustrating for you, making you question your own memory and perception of events.
15. They use silent treatment as a weapon.
The silent treatment is a classic narcissistic tactic designed to punish and control you. When you do something that displeases them, they go cold, taking away affection, communication, and attention. This can be incredibly hurtful and make you feel isolated and abandoned. The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that aims to make you feel guilty and responsible for their behaviour.
16. They never apologise or take responsibility for their actions.
Source: Unsplash You’ll never hear a narcissist saying anything along the lines of, “I messed up — sorry about that.” They see themselves as flawless and infallible, so they blame other people for their mistakes and shortcomings. This lack of accountability can be frustrating and damaging to your relationship, as it prevents you from resolving conflicts and moving forward in a healthy way.
