16 Habits That Will Make Your Adult Children Cut You Out Of Their Lives
Unsplash If you want to torpedo your relationship with your grown kids, there are some pretty easy ways to do it.
These 16 habits are guaranteed to have them changing their number and pretending they’re orphans faster than you can say “I’m just trying to help”. But hey, if you’d rather not spend your golden years wondering why your offspring never ring, best steer clear of this list.
1. Criticising their every move
Want to send your adult children running? Never miss a chance to point out their flaws and missteps. Nitpick their career, their partner, their hobbies, their haircut — nothing’s off limits! After all, what are parents for if not to make their kids feel small and inadequate? Keep up the constant criticism, and they’ll be cutting ties quicker than you can say “I’m only trying to help”.
2. Ignoring their boundaries
Boundaries, schmoundaries. As their parent, you have a God-given right to barge into their life uninvited. Show up at their flat unannounced, snoop through their post, grill them about their sex life — it’s all fair game! Disregarding their clearly stated limits is guaranteed to make them feel violated and resentful. Keep trampling those boundaries and watch the distance grow.
3. Guilt-tripping them incessantly
Emotional blackmail is a parent’s best friend. Lay the guilt on thick every chance you get. If they don’t visit enough, if they prioritise their own family, if they forget your birthday — make sure they feel like the scum of the earth. Habitually guilt-tripping your kids is a great way to breed resentment and make them dread your presence. Keep twisting that knife of guilt and watch your bond bleed out.
4. Meddling in their relationships
Why let your adult children navigate their own relationships when you can interfere at every turn? Openly criticise their partner, try to direct their love life, fan the flames of conflict — claim your rightful place as the third wheel! Meddling non-stop in their romantic life is guaranteed to strain their other relationships and make you persona non grata. Keep overstepping and watch the invites dry up.
5. Demanding grandchildren
Source: Unsplash Getting impatient waiting for grandkids? Make sure your children know it! Ask intrusive questions about their reproductive plans every time you see them. Lament that “the clock is ticking” and you “may die before getting to be a grandparent”. Pressure them incessantly to “give you” grandchildren, regardless of their own desires. The more you nag, the faster they’ll pull away.
6. Making everything about you
In your world, everything revolves around you — and your kids better fall in line! Never mind their busy lives, their responsibilities, their needs — you come first, always. If they don’t cater to you sufficiently, punish them with passive-aggressive jabs and guilt trips. Center yourself in every situation and interaction. Trust me, your self-absorption will drive them away faster than you can say, “what about MY feelings?”
7. Playing favourites
Source: Unsplash Every parent has a secret favourite — make sure it’s glaringly obvious to all your kids! Shower one with praise and gifts while making digs at the others. Openly compare their achievements and pit them against each other. The more blatant your favouritism, the more it will breed sibling resentment and make them want to steer clear of the whole mess. Keep playing them off each other and watch your family implode!
8. Holding financial support over their heads
Money is power — wield yours like a weapon! If you help your kids out financially, make sure they know there are strings firmly attached. Threaten to pull funding if they don’t live their life to your exacting specifications. The more you use money to manipulate and control, the quicker they’ll want to cut the cord completely. Keep holding those purse strings and watch them slip through your fingers.
9. Never admitting fault or apologising
Admitting you’re wrong is for suckers. You’re the parent — you’re always right! Even when you mess up royally, never acknowledge your mistakes or apologise. If your kids express hurt, default to defensiveness and deflection. Blame them for being too sensitive. The more you dig in your heels, the more they’ll resent your lack of accountability. Keep up the stubborn self-righteousness and watch the olive branches wither.
10. Talking badly about their other parent
Weaponising your kids against their other parent is always a winning strategy — extra points if you’re divorced! Seize every chance to badmouth your ex, rehash old grudges, and force your kids to take sides. Poison their relationship with snide comments and petty digs. The more you undermine their other parent, the quicker they’ll grow sick of being put in the middle. Keep using your kids as pawns and marvel as they peace out of the whole toxic dynamic.
11. Refusing to respect their adulthood
Your children may be grown, but to you, they’ll always be babies! Infantilise them every chance you get. Talk down to them, second-guess their decisions, force unsolicited advice on them. Shoot down their attempts to set boundaries with a dismissive “I’m your mother/father”. The more you treat them like incompetent kids, the faster they’ll smash that eject button. Keep disrespecting their adulthood and watch your parent card get revoked.
12. Emotionally manipulating them
When it comes to your kids, their feelings are your favourite toy! Emotionally manipulate them without shame. Weaponise tears and tantrums to get your way. Use stonewalling and silent treatment to punish perceived slights. Don’t be afraid to love-bomb if they’re pulling away! The more you play puppeteer with their emotions, the more resentful strings will be cut. Keep tugging and prepare for the final curtain.
13. Making your love conditional
Source: Unsplash Unconditional love is for suckers! Make it crystal clear that your love and approval come with terms and conditions. The minute your kids step out of line, punish them with coldness and rejection. Withhold affection when they displease you. Apply love like a doggie treat — earned only by adherence to your rules. The more they feel your love is transactional, the quicker they’ll close the account.
14. Stonewalling and freezing them out
Giving the silent treatment is the perfect weapon! The second your kids do something you dislike, ice them out. Refuse to take their calls, ignore their messages, decline their invites. If they confront you, stubbornly deny anything is wrong. Leave them twisting for days or weeks, wondering how they landed in Siberia. The more you use freezing them out to gain the upper hand, the quicker they’ll decide your drama isn’t worth the frostbite.
15. Repeatedly violating their trust
Trust is the foundation of any relationship — so what better way to crumble it than repeatedly breaking your word? Make promises you don’t intend to keep. Share secrets they trusted you with. Snoop through their private messages and journals. No boundary is too sacred to violate! The more you prove yourself untrustworthy, the faster they’ll decide you can’t be trusted with a relationship at all.
16. Refusing to grow or change
You’re set in your ways and proud of it! If your kids ever raise concerns about your behaviour or try to establish new dynamics, shut them down hard. Insist you’ll never change and they need to just accept it. Deflect any criticism of your parenting with a flippant “well, you turned out fine”. The more you dig your heels in, the quicker they’ll decide moving forward means moving on from you.
