14 Ways Narcissists Recruit People To Do Their Dirty Work

There are so many manipulative tricks narcissists use to get people to do their bidding.

These toxic people are master puppeteers, and they’ll stop at nothing to recruit unsuspecting pawns to carry out their dirty work. It’s a sick game, and the more you know about their tactics, the better equipped you’ll be to spot the red flags and protect yourself. Here are some of the underhanded tactics they use — watch out!

1. Love bombing and excessive flattery

Narcissists are charm personified in the beginning. They’ll shower you with compliments, make you feel like the centre of their universe, and promise you the moon. It’s called love bombing, and it’s a calculated tactic to get you hooked on their approval. They’ll praise your every move, insist you’re the only one who truly understands them, and make you feel like you’re soul mates. Don’t fall for it. It’s a manipulation tactic to get you under their spell and primed to do their bidding.

2. Playing on your insecurities and need for validation

Narcissists have a sixth sense for sniffing out people’s deepest insecurities. They’ll zero in on your soft spots and exploit them mercilessly. If you’re sensitive about your looks, they’ll dole out appearance-based compliments. If you crave professional respect, they’ll sing your praises at work. The goal is to make you dependent on their validation. Once they’ve got you hooked on their approval, they’ll start using it as a weapon to control you. Don’t take the bait.

3. Guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail

Narcissists are expert guilt-trippers. They’ll make you feel like you owe them for every nice thing they’ve ever done, and they’ll hold it over your head forever. They’ll say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, you’re going to let me down like this?” They’ll make you feel like a terrible person for having your own needs. It’s emotional blackmail, and it’s designed to make you feel obligated to do their bidding. Don’t fall for it.

4. Gaslighting and reality distortion

Narcissists are master manipulators of reality. They’ll twist the truth, deny things that definitely happened, and make you question your own sanity. This is called gaslighting, and it’s a tactic to make you doubt yourself and your perceptions. They’ll say things like “That never happened” or “You’re remembering it wrong.” The goal is to make you so unsure of yourself that you’ll defer to their version of events and do whatever they say. Don’t let them warp your reality.

5. Isolating you from friends and family

Narcissists want to be the centre of your universe, and they see your other relationships as threats. They’ll subtly (or not so subtly) discourage you from spending time with friends and family. They’ll monopolise your time, make plans without consulting you, and sulk if you choose someone else’s company over theirs. The goal is to isolate you from your support system so you’re more dependent on them. Don’t let them cut you off from the people who love you.

6. Triangulating you with other people

Narcissists love to play people off each other. They’ll casually mention how their ex never questioned them like you do, or how your colleague is so much more fun and understanding. This is called triangulation, and it’s a tactic to make you feel insecure and competitive for their approval. They want you to feel like you have to work harder and do more to “win” their affection. Don’t play into their manipulative games. You’re not in competition with anyone.

7. Using intermittent reinforcement

Narcissists are masters of hot-and-cold behaviour. One minute they’re showering you with affection, the next they’re ignoring your texts for days. This is called intermittent reinforcement, and it’s a powerful psychological tactic. The unpredictable nature of their attention keeps you hooked, always hoping for the next “reward” of their affection. It’s a cycle of anxiety and relief that keeps you addicted and willing to jump through hoops for them. Recognize the pattern and break free.

8. Promising exclusive rewards and status

Narcissists love to dangle carrots to get you to do their bidding. They’ll promise you exclusive access, special treatment, or elevated status in their inner circle… if you just do this little favour for them first. It’s a tactic to make you feel indebted and obligated. They’ll make it seem like you’re part of an elite club, but the price of admission is always doing their dirty work. Don’t fall for the illusion of exclusivity. It’s a trap.

9. Exploiting your talents and resources

Narcissists are always on the lookout for useful people to exploit. If you have a skill or resource they need, they’ll zero in on you with laser focus. They’ll flatter your talents, make you feel appreciated and indispensable… until they’ve squeezed you dry. Then they’ll discard you without a second thought. Don’t let them use you as a means to an end. Your talents are valuable, and you deserve to be appreciated for more than what you can do for them.

10. Using shared secrets and insider information

Narcissists love to create a sense of intimacy and exclusivity by sharing secrets and insider information with you. They’ll make you feel like you’re part of their trusted inner circle, privy to information that no one else has. This is a tactic to make you feel special and indebted. But beware — they’re not confiding in you out of trust, but to create a sense of obligation. They’ll use those secrets as leverage to get you to do their dirty work later.

11. Appealing to your sense of loyalty and duty

Narcissists are skilled at exploiting people’s sense of loyalty and duty. If you’re someone who values being a good friend or team player, they’ll use that against you. They’ll paint themselves as the underdog, the misunderstood victim who needs your help. They’ll make you feel like you’re the only one who can save them, and that you owe it to them out of loyalty. Don’t fall for the guilt trip. Your loyalty should be earned, not manipulated.

12. Using the “foot in the door” technique

Narcissists are masters of the “foot in the door” technique. They’ll start by asking you for small, seemingly harmless favours. But once you’ve said yes to one thing, they’ll use that as leverage to ask for bigger and bigger favours. They’ll say things like, “You helped me before, I knew I could count on you again.” It’s a slippery slope, and before you know it, you’re in too deep. Be wary of the small favours they ask for — they’re often just the beginning.

13. Creating a sense of scarcity and urgency

Narcissists love to create a false sense of scarcity and urgency to pressure you into doing their bidding. They’ll make it seem like the opportunity they’re offering you is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and that if you don’t act now, you’ll miss out forever. They’ll use high-pressure sales tactics to make you feel like you have to decide on the spot. Don’t fall for the false urgency. Take the time to think things through and make decisions on your own timeline.

14. Using the “door in the face” technique

The “door in the face” technique is a classic narcissist move. They’ll start by making a huge, outrageous request that they know you’ll almost certainly refuse. Then, they’ll follow up with a smaller, more “reasonable” request. In comparison to the first ask, the second one seems like a compromise. But in reality, the second request was their real goal all along. Don’t fall for the manipulation. Evaluate each request on its own merits, not in comparison to an artificially inflated first ask.