14 Surprising Habits That Might Be Driving People Away
Envato Elements If you find yourself constantly struggling to maintain relationships or wondering why people seem to drift away from you, it might be time to take a hard look at your own habits and behaviours.
The truth is, you might be unknowingly driving people away with some surprising and seemingly harmless quirks. However, it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some off-putting habits to keep an eye out for so you can start making some changes.
1. Constantly complaining and venting
We all need to vent sometimes, but if you’re always the one dumping your problems on others, it can be a real drain. People want to be around positive, uplifting energy, not a constant stream of negativity. Try to balance your venting with some positive observations or gratitude. And make sure you’re also making space to listen to other people’s struggles, not just unloading your own.
2. Interrupting and not listening
Source: Unsplash If you’re the type who always has to get your two cents in, even if it means cutting someone else off mid-sentence, it’s time to work on your listening skills. Interrupting not only makes the other person feel unheard and unvalued, but it also makes you come across as self-centred and disrespectful. Practice active listening, and resist the urge to jump in with your own thoughts until the other person has finished speaking.
3. Being chronically late or flaky
Source: Unsplash Look, we all run late sometimes or have to cancel plans at the last minute. But if you’re consistently showing up 20 minutes after the agreed-upon time or bailing on commitments altogether, it sends the message that you don’t value other people’s time or priorities. If you struggle with punctuality, start setting earlier alarms and building in buffer time. And if you need to cancel, give as much notice as possible and offer a sincere apology.
4. Oversharing personal details too soon
Source: Unsplash It’s great to be open and authentic with the people in your life, but there’s a time and a place for sharing deeply personal information. If you find yourself unloading your entire life story or your deepest traumas onto someone you’ve just met, it can be overwhelming and uncomfortable for them. Build trust and rapport gradually, and make sure the other person is in a space to receive your vulnerabilities before you share them.
5. Being a one-upper
Source: Unsplash You know the type — no matter what story someone shares, they always have to chime in with a bigger, better, more impressive version of their own. This habit of one-upping not only makes you seem insecure and competitive, but it also minimises the other person’s experiences and feelings. Practice listening and responding with empathy, rather than trying to top their tale.
6. Constantly checking your phone
Source: Unsplash In today’s always-connected world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of compulsively checking your phone, even when you’re in the middle of a conversation or social interaction. But this habit sends the message that whatever is happening on your screen is more important than the person in front of you. Make a conscious effort to put your phone away and give your full attention to the people you’re with.
7. Being a know-it-all
Source: Unsplash It’s great to be knowledgeable and share your insights, but if you’re constantly correcting people or acting like you have all the answers, it can be a real turn-off. People don’t like to feel talked down to or lectured, especially if they didn’t ask for your opinion in the first place. Practice humility and curiosity, and be open to learning from others rather than always positioning yourself as the expert.
8. Gossiping and talking behind people’s backs
Source: Unsplash
Gossip might feel like harmless fun in the moment, but it can seriously erode trust and respect in your relationships. If you’re constantly dishing dirt or sharing secrets about others, people will start to wonder what you’re saying about them behind their backs. Keep your conversations positive and respectful, and if you have an issue with someone, address it directly with them rather than gossiping to others.
9. Being a flaky texter
In today’s digital age, texting has become a primary mode of communication for many relationships. But if you’re the type who takes hours or even days to respond to messages, or who regularly leaves people on “read,” it can send the message that you’re not invested in the relationship. Of course, you don’t need to be glued to your phone 24/7, but try to be consistent and timely in your responses.
10. Always talking about yourself
It’s natural to want to share your own experiences and perspectives in conversation, but if you find yourself constantly steering the talk back to yourself, it can make others feel unheard and unimportant. Make a conscious effort to ask questions and show genuine interest in the other person’s life and thoughts. Remember, good conversation is a two-way street.
11. Being a Debbie Downer
We all have our down days, but if you’re consistently the one bringing a cloud of negativity and pessimism to every interaction, it can be a real downer for those around you. Try to find the silver lining in situations, and make an effort to bring some positivity and light to your conversations. People are naturally drawn to those who uplift and inspire them.
12. Constantly cancelling plans
Source: Unsplash Life happens, and sometimes we need to cancel or reschedule plans. But if you’re consistently bailing at the last minute or leaving others hanging, it can make them feel like you don’t value their time or company. If you’re truly overcommitted, it’s better to be upfront about your availability from the start, rather than making promises you can’t keep.
13. Being a stage-five clinger
Source: Unsplash It’s great to be enthusiastic and invested in your relationships, but if you’re coming on too strong too fast, it can be overwhelming and off-putting for others. Give people space to breathe and come to you at their own pace. Avoid bombarding them with constant messages, invites, or demands for attention. Trust that if the connection is meant to be, it will unfold naturally over time.
14. Not respecting boundaries
Source: Unsplash Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to things like personal space, physical touch, and emotional intimacy. If you’re consistently pushing past people’s stated boundaries or ignoring their non-verbal cues, it can make them feel violated and disrespected. Make a point to check in with others about their needs and preferences, and always err on the side of caution when it comes to respecting their limits.
