13 Ways Your Body Language Is Betraying You
Tim E White You might think you’re a master of disguise, keeping your true feelings hidden behind a poker face.
However, the truth is, your body language is constantly snitching on you, revealing your deepest insecurities, fears, and desires to anyone who knows how to read the signs. Even if your words are saying one thing, your non-verbal cues are often saying something entirely different. If you want to project confidence, charisma, and credibility, you need to get your body language in check. Here are 13 ways it might be betraying you without you even realising it.
1. Avoiding eye contact
If you’re constantly looking down, away, or anywhere but directly at the person you’re talking to, you come across as shifty, untrustworthy, or just plain disinterested. Eye contact is crucial for building rapport and showing engagement. Now, this doesn’t mean you should stare unblinkingly like a serial killer — that’s just creepy. But if you can’t even meet someone’s gaze for a few seconds at a time, it sends the message that you have something to hide or just don’t give a toss about what they’re saying. Practice holding friendly, steady eye contact to convey openness and sincerity.
2. Crossing your arms
This is the universal sign of being closed off, defensive, or just plain unapproachable. When you cross your arms, you’re literally putting a barrier between yourself and the other person, signalling that you’re not open to what they’re saying. Even if you’re just cold or trying to get comfortable, it sends a negative non-verbal message. Instead, try to keep your arms relaxed at your sides or use open-handed gestures to convey warmth and receptiveness. Uncross those arms and let people in, both literally and figuratively.
3. Fidgeting and tapping
If you’re constantly jiggling your leg, tapping your fingers, or fiddling with your hair or jewellery, you come across as nervous, impatient, or just plain scattered. Fidgeting is a clear sign that you’re not fully present or focused on the conversation. It’s distracting for the other person and makes it seem like you’d rather be anywhere else. If you have a hard time keeping still, try channelling that nervous energy into more purposeful gestures, or just take a deep breath and ground yourself in the moment. Be still, be present, and show that you’re fully engaged.
4. Poor posture
Source: Unsplash If you’re slouching, hunching, or just generally collapsing in on yourself, you project an image of low self-esteem, laziness, or just plain bad manners. Poor posture makes you look smaller, weaker, and less confident than you really are. It also telegraphs disrespect for the other person, like you can’t be bothered to sit up straight and give them your full attention. Stand tall, sit upright, and take up space with your body language. Good posture conveys confidence, competence, and engagement, so straighten up and own your presence.
5. Invading personal space
If you’re a close talker who gets right up in people’s faces, you’re probably making them extremely uncomfortable without even realising it. Everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to personal space, but in general, getting too close too soon is a big no-no. It can feel aggressive, intimidating, or just plain creepy. Give people a bit of breathing room and respect their physical boundaries. If you’re not sure how close is too close, err on the side of caution and let the other person set the distance. Respect personal space and people will feel more at ease around you.
6. Checking your phone constantly
Source: Unsplash If you’re always glancing at your phone or, even worse, actively scrolling through it while someone is trying to talk to you, you’re sending a clear message that they’re not important enough to warrant your full attention. It’s the height of rudeness and disrespect. Even if you think you can multitask, it’s obvious to the other person that you’re not fully present. Put your phone away, mute your notifications, and give the gift of your undivided attention. Show people that they matter more to you than whatever’s happening on your little screen.
7. Forced or insincere smiling
Source: Unsplash A genuine smile is one of the most powerful non-verbal cues you can give, conveying warmth, friendliness, and positive regard. But a fake or forced smile? That’s just unsettling. If you’re grinning like a maniac with no crinkles around your eyes, or if your smile doesn’t match the rest of your facial expressions, people can tell it’s not authentic. It makes you seem insincere, manipulative, or just plain creepy. Smiling is great, but only when it’s real. If you’re not feeling it, it’s better to have a neutral expression than to force a phony grin.
8. Lack of facial expressions
Source: Unsplash On the flip side, if your face is completely blank and impassive, you come across as bored, cold, or just plain robotic. A little animation and expressiveness goes a long way in building rapport and showing engagement. People trust and like people who show genuine emotion, even if it’s not always positive. A furrowed brow, a raised eyebrow, a sympathetic frown — these small facial movements convey that you’re actively listening and processing what the other person is saying. Don’t be afraid to let your face do some of the talking.
9. Mismatched verbal and non-verbal messages
If your words are saying “yes” but your body language is screaming “no,” people are going to believe your cues every time. If you’re agreeing to take on a project, but your shoulders are slumped and your voice is hesitant, you’re sending mixed messages. If you’re smiling, but your tone is sarcastic, you’re being inauthentic. Your verbal and non-verbal cues should align to convey a consistent, congruent message. If they don’t match up, people will sense that you’re not being fully honest or transparent, and they’ll take the body language as the true one.
10. Weak or awkward handshake
Source: Unsplash Your handshake is often the first non-verbal impression you make on someone, so it’s important to get it right. A limp, clammy, or tentative handshake conveys weakness, nervousness, or just plain social ineptitude. But an overly aggressive death grip isn’t any better — it comes across as domineering and compensating for something. Aim for a firm, confident handshake that lasts a few seconds and includes eye contact and a smile. Show that you’re happy to meet the person and confident in your own skin.
11. Manspreading or taking up too much space
Source: Unsplash This one’s mostly for the men — if you’re sitting with your legs splayed wide open, taking up way more than your fair share of space, you’re projecting an image of entitlement, arrogance, and just plain rudeness. It’s the non-verbal equivalent of shouting, “look at me, I’m the most important person here!” Manspreading is not only obnoxious, but it makes the people around you physically uncomfortable by encroaching on their personal space. Be mindful of how much room you’re taking up and aim for a more neutral, respectful posture.
12. Hiding your hands
Source: Unsplash If you’re constantly putting your hands in your pockets, behind your back, or under the table, you’re sending a signal that you have something to hide. It’s a classic sign of nervousness, deception, or just plain discomfort. Your hands are a crucial part of your non-verbal communication, conveying everything from openness to emphasis to warmth. When you hide them, you’re literally cutting off a key part of your expressiveness. Keep your hands visible and use them to gesticulate and convey your points. It’ll make you seem more open, honest, and engaging.
13. Not mirroring the other person
Source: Unsplash Mirroring is when you subtly copy the body language of the person you’re talking to, and it’s a powerful way to build rapport and show that you’re on the same wavelength. If they lean in, you lean in. If they cross their legs, you cross your legs. It’s not about being a creepy copycat, but rather conveying that you’re in sync and engaged with the other person. If you’re not mirroring at all, it can make the other person feel like you’re not really connecting or vibing with them. Pay attention to their non-verbal cues and aim to reflect them back in a natural, organic way.
