13 “Supportive” Things People Say That Are Actually Low-Key Sabotage

Your friends, family, or even your partner might think they’re helping, but sometimes their well-intentioned advice can do more harm than good.

Those supposedly supportive words can knock your confidence, hold you back, and even sabotage your success. If you hear of these things coming out of their mouth, it’s worth considering what their motivation might be, and if it’s as well-intentioned as they’re making out.

1. “That’s a great idea, but have you considered [insert their idea instead]?”

On the surface, this seems like they’re trying to help make your idea a bit better. In reality, they’re dismissing your original perspective and pushing their own agenda. They might genuinely think their idea is better, but hijacking your plans is disrespectful and unsupportive. If you’re set on a certain way of going about things, they should back you 100%.

2. “I’m just trying to be realistic.”

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Thanks for the classic wet blanket response there, mate. When you share an ambitious goal or dream, they feel the need to “bring you back down to earth.” But since when is realism more important than dreaming big? Their narrow idea of what’s realistic shouldn’t limit your aspirations. All the people throughout history who have achieved incredible things were probably told at some point that it would never happen. It’s not letting those Debbie Downers get to you that sets them apart from the rest.

3. “I’m only telling you this because I care about you.”

Watch out for this one — it’s often a preamble to a criticism bomb. They think framing their critique as an act of caring gives them free rein to nitpick and judge, but tearing you down isn’t a sign of love, it’s just unsolicited negativity.

4. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

This question sows seeds of doubt and implies they don’t fully believe in your potential. Maybe you’re ready, maybe you’re not — but that’s for you to figure out, not them. Their job is to support you either way, not destroy your confidence with their “what if?” doubts.

5. “I’m not trying to be mean, but…”

The minute you hear this, you know that what follows is guaranteed to be mean. Cushioning criticism with this disclaimer doesn’t make it supportive, it just covers up (albeit badly!) their real intentions. Truly constructive feedback doesn’t need this kind of preface.

6. “Remember how you got burnt out last time? Maybe take it easy.”

Sure, it’s important to learn from past mistakes, but their reminder feels more like an anchor tying you to the past than encouragement to move forward. You’ve grown since then, and their warning overlooks your progress and resilience. That being said, you do need to look after your physical and mental health, so make sure you’re legitimately not going overboard.

7. “You just need to stop worrying so much!”

If it were that simple, you’d have done it already. This advice brushes off the complexity of anxiety and makes it seem like a simple choice rather than an ongoing challenge. It’s invalidating and shows a lack of empathy for what you’re going through.

8. “Trust me, you don’t want to do that.”

Unless they’re a time traveller who’s already seen how it pans out, how could they possibly know what you want? Making absolute statements like this is both arrogant and controlling. Your desires are yours to define, not theirs.

9. “No offence, but have you thought about [unwanted advice]?”

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The “no offence” prefix doesn’t negate the impending offence. If they have to qualify their statement that way, chances are it will be offensive or at the very least unwelcome. Giving unsolicited advice and then trying to absolve themselves of responsibility for how it lands is shoddy friendship.

10. “You’re so brave for doing that! I could never.”

While the first part sounds like a compliment, the second part centres them instead of you. It becomes more about their limitations than your courage. Plus, “I could never” subtly implies that your brave move might be too much for most people to handle.

11. “Well, I think you’re making a mistake, but it’s your life.”

Gotta love the classic “I’m washing my hands of this” response. They get to criticise your choice while absolving themselves of any fallout. It’s not truly supportive, it just allows them to later say “I told you so” if things go pear-shaped.

12. “I didn’t want to say anything, but since you asked…”

Spoiler alert: they definitely wanted to say something. This just gives them an excuse to unload all the criticisms they’ve been sitting on under the guise of honesty. True friends speak up when it matters, not sit in silent judgement waiting to be asked.

13. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This one’s a master class in emotional invalidation. Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they subtly place the blame on you for having them. A genuine apology recognises the other person’s hurt without centring the apologiser’s intention.